People should be careful when brandishing the term ‘toxic masculinity’, as it leads young boys to feel that it is bad to be a man, according to a human potential coach.

The recent success of Netflix’s hit series Adolescence has sparked global conversations about the online ‘manosphere’, men’s mental health and the lessons we teach young boys as they are growing up.

Ben Bidwell told Lunchtime Live that he has personally struggled with the societal expectations that come with being a man.

“It’s great to be part of these conversations, I think they’ve been a long time coming,” he said.

“I lived that life of trying to be your typical man, and that was very far away from the truth of who I really was.

“As a man, I was born with a sensitive side in a world that told me I wasn’t to be sensitive, and that caused a lot of pain for me.

“It’s through that pain that I’ve ended up being in this place because I still see it in so many men now; we’re told to be certain ways and it hurts us.”

Depressed man is crying by the window. Image: Igor Stevanovic / Alamy. 10 November 2019

Mr Bidwell said that through his experience acting as a support and guide for young men in particular, he has noticed that a lot of men are in pain.

“Obviously there are a huge amount of benefits that come with being a man in this world as well, many of which are very visible,” he said.

“There’s a lot of men in power and a lot of men are celebrated, but actually, there’s a lot of men who don’t get to express themselves, have to wear what we call this mask.

“In wearing this mask of trying to be someone, trying to perform, we carry a lot of heaviness, a lot of weight around in a world that’s told us we shouldn’t.”

According to Mr Bidwell, the societal narrative that we live in a ‘man’s world’ is undermined by the fact that men make up three out of every four suicides.

'Anti-male term'

One listener texted into the show to say that the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ is a “truly horrible, nasty, anti-male term".

Mr Bidwell acknowledged that the use of the term can imply that all masculinity is toxic.

“A true, healthy male is really not toxic,” he said.

“He is a protector; he is someone who will provide huge value to this world.

“I think this is the part of the challenge we’ve got with kids growing up, young boys growing up, is that they’ve had this term brandished.

“They felt that masculinity is bad, or they’re being told masculinity is bad and they’re wondering what they’ve ever done to be labelled that way.”

Mr Bidwell said that while there are definitely masculine traits that “are being displayed in a very toxic way”, that we should be careful to brand all masculinity as toxic.

If you have been affected by issues raised in this article, you can contact The Samaritans on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.ie

Main image: Portrait of a sad young boy against a dark blue wall. Image: Cavan Images / Alamy. 17 November 2021