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'They're trying to do it all' - Why modern dads are getting a raw deal

Simon Usborne said men still face attitudes and workplace policies that haven't kept pace with the modern demands of family life
Jack Quann
Jack Quann

10.11 2 Oct 2023


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'They're trying to do it all'...

'They're trying to do it all' - Why modern dads are getting a raw deal

Jack Quann
Jack Quann

10.11 2 Oct 2023


Share this article


Fathers are doing their best to take on more roles at home - but are facing big barriers when it comes to the workplace.

London-based freelance features writer Simon Usborne has said, even if they attempt to contribute a 50/50 division of labour at home, dads still face attitudes that haven't kept pace with modern demands of family life.

He told Newstalk Breakfast there is a 'progress lag' when it comes to fathers.

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"On one hand, dads want to do more [and] want to contribute more domestically - both in terms of being present and the hours that are required to keep the household running," he said.

"They're expected to do more - quite rightly - and there has been huge progress on that front statistically speaking.

"At the same time, on the other hand, they are butting up against cultural and workplace barriers where a lot of men still feel... they need to be the provider, the protector - those old-fashioned attitudes.

"Then you get, in the workplace, still big barriers when it comes to fair parental leave, paternity leave being pretty hopeless in the vast majority of workplaces.

"They're trying to do it all, and that's a phrase that we've used a long time for mothers, and it's certainly valid."

'Completely transformed'

Mr Usborne said expectations around fathers have had a 'striking shift' in a generation.

"A lot of us look at our own fathers and we talk about new dads who are having kids now and it's, in many cases, completely transformed - as it should be," he said.

"Arguably it should be more transformed but nonetheless, we don't hear much about that predicament, that change.

"I think it's a valid area for exploration, to talk about what a modern dad wants to be, is expected to be and is able to be."

'Not a secondary player'

Mr Usborne said we need to look at other places that are moving faster on progress.

"I spoke to a father who's British and had one kid in London and then moved to Sweden for a job and had a second kid in Stockholm and couldn't believe the differences," he said.

"Dads were in the playground making appointments for playdates with their families without having to check with the missus.

"The structures existed that allowed them to be more present and not a sort of secondary player in this managerial set up of a family," he added.

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Main image: A couple with a crying baby in September 2007. Image: Chris Rout / Alamy Stock Photo

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