For the second year in a row, TV station Gold has inflicted a top ten list of modern Christmas cracker jokes upon the world.

The intention behind the competition is to bring cracker jokes into the 21st century. This year's 'top 10' - listed below - therefore does contain references to the likes of UKIP and The Great British Bake Off. The jokes are also absolutely groan-worthy, which does indeed seem to be the primary characteristic that defines a cracker joke.

Reader discretion is advised, as many of these are truly, proudly awful:

1. What will be missing from Take That's Christmas stocking this year? An Orange.
2. How does Luis Suarez like his Christmas dinner? Bite-sized.
3. What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs? Game of Thrones.
4. What did the Snowman say to the aggressive carrot? 'Get out of my face.'
5. Why is Christmas a busy time for David Cameron? He's got two parties to organise.
6. What's the difference between Bono and Santa? Santa gives you things you want.
7. Why won't Santa visit Nigel Farage? Because he only comes if you sleep, not if UKIP.
8. Why are snowmen rubbish at cricket? They're always bowling snow-balls.
9. I got a UKIP advent calendar. It's rubbish, all the doors keep slamming shut.
10. Why is The Great British Bake Off like the nativity? Because the Star is in the Yeast.

The author of the winning joke Lynne Newton has received £1,500 (around €1,890) towards a holiday and a box of 'Gold Crackers' - one of which contains her winning Take That joke.