1) “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.” ”“ Stewart Francis
2) “Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly.” ”“ Tim Vine
4) “You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.” ”“ Rob Beckett
5) “I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don’t know Y.” ”“ Chris Turner
6) “I took part in the sun tanning Olympics – I just got Bronze.” ”“ Tim Vine
7) “Pornography is often frowned upon, but that’s only because I’m concentrating.” ”“ George Ryegold
8) “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!” ”“ Stewart Francis
9) “I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: ‘It’s not rocket salad.” ”“ Lou Sanders
10) “My mum’s so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism … she wouldn’t fancy her chances.” ”“ Nish Kumar