Why do so many parents feel so lonely? 

The early years are when your child depends on you the most and your social circle often begins to revolve around them.

As they grow older and become more independent, that relationship changes and many parents feel slightly at a loss about what to do with themselves.

“They need you less and they push back,” counselling psychologist Leslie Shoemaker explained to Newstalk Breakfast. 

“Anybody who has had someone moving into adolescence knows they push back - and that’s what they’re supposed to do.

“They’re trying to figure out who they are but then who do you start talking to? You’re no longer at the school gate, you’re no longer doing all those things.”

Solution

Ms Shoemaker suggests any adult who is experiencing this should use it as an opportunity to try new things or get back into something they were previously passionate about.

“What kind of hobbies can we start to develop? What kind of interests do you have?” she said.

“Perhaps it’s taking an art class once a week - something like that.

“You start building up your own network.”

For some people this might feel natural, for others it is something that is very much outside their comfort zone.

“Before you had kids, you were in college, you were working, you were doing these things,” Ms Shoemaker said.

“Some of them would be passive but other things would be more active as well.

“I think it’s just reminding ourselves, ‘I can do this, I need to do this.’

“People say, ‘Oh, it feels contrived’ - it may feel that way but do you want to sit at home doing nothing or do you want to get out there and start meeting people and engaging with the world?”

Two women running in the autumn park. 12 November 2022. Alamy.com

All of this should not mean you are cutting yourself completely from your children’s lives, merely that you are taking a small step back from them.

“I think it’s unreasonable for kids to expect that they’re never going to be discussed by their parents,” Ms Shoemaker said.

“Everyone needs to have a support network and I think that that’s really important - whether it be other family members, neighbours, friends.”

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Main image: A lonely woman.