Why do some people hold grudges for years, sometimes even decades? 

On Moncrieff, counselling psychologist Niamh Delmar said getting upset with someone is not always a bad thing, as it can highlight that “something needs to be addressed” in a relationship. 

However, she said grudges are a problem for a person when they “become a habit”. 

“There’s a dopamine hit associated with those bursts of anger every time you think of the instant or you talk about it,” she warned. 

“But the other side of it is it’s also releasing a stress response. 

“So, if somebody keeps holding onto it and going over it and over it all the time, it’s going to have a negative effect on their wellbeing.” 

Ms Delmar said there are some things which are so horrific that it is “legitimate” to feel upset about; however, she warned against dwelling on smaller things that upset you.

“It’s a coping mechanism,” she said. 

“It’s an unhealthy coping mechanism that they just got attached to,” she said. 

You can listen back to the full interview here:

Main image: An upset woman. Picture by: Alamy.com