Last Friday night my friend invited me to a free gig in town. It had been one of those heavy weather days and I was slouching on the couch debating dinner when the text came in. My initial feeling was 'I'm too tired', but then I started to think about how much fun it could be. I started to fear I'd be missing out, if I didn’t go. I had what’s known as FoMo (the fear of missing out). Know the feeling?

Well luckily for me, that emotion (the ‘fear’ of missing out) only played out for a few minutes before I made up my mind to stay home and relax. My body was yelling at me to put my feet up and the kettle on - or vice versa! I had already mentally prepared for a night in because I knew I was exhausted, so it was a no-brainer really.  The answer I gave to myself was simple - “Don’t go, no matter how much fun you think your mates might have at the gig”.

I wasn't always this disciplined however. In my younger years I would often push myself to go out just because everyone else was going. Now I listen to my body. This is because I have spent years training as a psychotherapist and in training we learn that gut instinct is sometimes all we can go on. But I wonder why is it we often fail to listen to our intuition and instead start to hypothesise that the night out, or the party, or the opening of an envelope is going to be the best thing since sliced bread? Why do we worry about saying yes when we want to say no? Why do we fear missing out?

FoMo is the idea that this will be the gig you'll be called up on stage by the lead singer; that this will be the party Leo Di Caprio just happens to pop into or this will be the event that walks you right into the arms of your future husband. Yes it's true any of these things could happen just because you’ve accepted the invite (well maybe not the Leo one). But at what cost in the long run? Who are you really pleasing? Being a ‘Yes Man’ might work for Jim Carey, but it's a different story for us when we've spread ourselves too thin on the ground and end up going to things for all the wrong reasons.

I suggest you get to know yourself really well ... Mindfulness is when we are fully aware of what is going on for us in the present moment without judging our thoughts, feelings or emotions.

More often than not we push ourselves to go only to realise an hour later that it's the same old party, with the same old faces and you end up wishing you were in your same old bed. However, even if we stick to our guns and say no there are always those FoMo 'pushers'. The ones who say, 'Ohh you're not going? It's gonna be great' suggesting all the action is going to take place at the one party you've decided to give a miss.

Modern technology does not help ‘the fear’ either. Posts on social media provide constant comparison between us as individuals. Life on the couch appears less exciting than a night on the town. This only leads to further anxiety and further fear of missing out because we begin to feel disconnected from others and disconnected from the perceived ‘fun’ others are having without us. Some research on FoMo even indicates that our fear then really lies in our need to belong and our need to feel loved. While other psychological researchers suggest that FoMo is the fear of regret that we have made the wrong decision on how to spend our time.

This is why I suggest you get to know yourself really well. That way you will start to make decisions based on your needs in the present moment. Mindfulness is when we are fully aware of what is going on for us in the present moment without judging our thoughts, feelings or emotions. When we’re being mindful there is certain acceptance around how we’re feeling at present without worrying about the future. 

The problem I see with FoMo is that we are not living in the present moment. We are often so frightened of disconnection from what might be happening that we stick our heads in our phones rather than talk to the person right beside us. Or we trawl through Twitter while driving because the possibility of social connection is more important that the task at hand! (It isn’t, but that doesn’t stop us from doing it). We start to tell ourselves that something more interesting might be happening on Facebook when in actual fact, life is staring us in the face. 

In contrast, when we are fully present to what we are doing in the moment, we don’t have to fear that something better is going on elsewhere. How often have you been quite happy quietly reading a book in your own life until you open Facebook to see your work colleagues all out drinking? But who is to say these people are any happier than you right now? So if you think FOMO is pushing you to say yes when you'd rather say no, do a little reality check.

• Get a ‘felt sense’ of what you really want - What is your body telling you?
• Do you know what you’re really afraid of missing? - Maybe it’s not such a big deal?
• Learn to recognise thoughts which could grow into emotions hard to control - Idle thoughts can lead to irrational emotions and behaviours.
• Do you know yourself well enough to trust your decision? - Or will you wake up full of regrets?
• Finally, even if the party you missed was ‘epic’, don’t berate yourself for sticking to your gut - It was the right choice for you in the moment.

Next time you fear you’ll be missing out, ask yourself would you rather a hangover free Sunday or the fear in general? As they say, ‘what’s for you won’t pass you by.’

Sinead Lynch, P.S.I., M.Sc., B.A Psychology, H.Dip Counselling & Psychotherapy. You can visit her website www.silverlinings.ie or follow her on Twitter @SLcounselling