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Why we shouldn't say Dads are 'babysitting' their kids

Does it not imply that a father is making a guest appearance in his child’s life rather than simply doing his parental duties.
James Wilson
James Wilson

21.15 30 May 2024


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Why we shouldn't say Dads are...

Why we shouldn't say Dads are 'babysitting' their kids

James Wilson
James Wilson

21.15 30 May 2024


Share this article


Have you ever described a man as “babysitting” his own child?

Is it a harmless idiom or does it imply that a father is making a guest appearance in his child’s life rather than simply doing his parental duties?

Either way, it is a phrase that journalist Niamh O’Reilly has increasingly noticed and found that many of her friends are aware of it too.

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“Not all Mums wanted to go on the record because some of these attitudes they were experiencing were from close family members,” she told Moncrieff.

“This is something anecdotally that persists quite a lot; even in my own experience, when my baby was about 13-weeks-old, very young still, I was invited to a hen party.

“I didn’t feel like going but I went anyway and while I was there the women kept asking me, ‘So, who is babysitting the baby? How is your husband going to manage? Isn’t he great, oh he’s brilliant, he’s going to do it all by himself.’

“I was sat there agog.”

Ms O’Reilly said she did not think the phrase “comes from a bad place” but she still dislikes it.

“I think we want to praise Dads and support them and tell them, ‘Oh, you’re great so they keep doing these things,’” she said.

“But I don’t think we have to necessarily do that anymore because society has changed.

“Even in my own lifetime, even my own Dad wasn’t allowed in the room - it wasn’t the done thing.

“Men weren’t included in antenatal visits and courses and scans whereas now they’re active partners through the whole thing.”

A parent and child walking together, 18-4-22. A parent and child walking together, 18-4-22. Image: Алла Чеснокова / Alamy

While men and women are equal before the law, Ms O’Reilly said some attitudes in society have been “slow to catch up” and she particularly dislikes hearing a man called a “hands on Dad”.

“They would never say that about a Mum - ‘she’s a real hands on Mum’,” she said.

“It just goes back to these norms that in the past the bulk of child rearing was pushed onto women.

“I think we’re definitely moving away from that but our own attitudes are slow to catch up with that.”

A father and son push their bikes along a scenic country lane A father and son push their bikes along a scenic country lane. Image: Ian Lamond / Alamy Stock Photo

Instead, Ms O’Reilly suggested society normalises men looking after their children.

“Let’s stop pointing at Dads pushing a pram and going, ‘You’re brilliant, you’re like a lesser spotted unicorn, go you!’” she said.

“Let’s just have it be a normal part of society and a normal part of parenting and I think that will help equality in the long run.”

You can listen back here:

Main image: A father and daughter. 


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