In the two years since her husband died, Lorraine Dempsey has had to navigate parenting alone – experiencing doubt, grief and "decision paralysis".

Two years ago, as Lorraine Dempsey's husband Carl headed out the door to an adventure race on the Maumturk Mountain, she recalled the embarrassment she felt as he gave her a kiss during an online meeting

Speaking to The Pat Kenny Show, Lorraine said she blushed and brushed her husband away – not knowing that that would be their "last goodbye".

Later that day, Lorraine received a call to say Carl had had a cardiac medical emergency on the mountain.

Unbeknownst to Carl and his family, he had been suffering from a medium-level coronary artery disease and despite healthcare staff issuing CPR and a defibrillator on him for 45 minutes, Carl died on top of the mountain.

"One of his friends who was racing with him ... once I heard his voice, I suppose it was the most painful experience ever," Lorainne said.

"I actually asked him not to say anything, because I knew what he was going to say was just going to be that life-changing.

"I remember falling to the floor and I think I was screaming like an animal and just this massive like all-encompassing pain.

"I think all my grief fell into that moment and thereafter I kind of picked myself up and just became this strong woman for everybody and it just all came out in that instance."

Lorraine and Pat (Photo by Newstalk)

Lorraine said in the moments after finding out about her husband's death, she then had to make the painful decision to tell her four daughters – one of whom has cerebral palsy.

"What can you do, other than say your dad is dead? You can't pussyfoot around that language," she said.

"It's very surreal trying to get that word out."

In the days following, Lorraine said she had to relinquish control over her late husband's funeral plans.

"I knew from that point on, that I couldn't afford to control everything and that I had to start relying on other people, which isn't something I would have been naturally inclined to do," she said.

"It was the only way to survive that period."

Carl Dempsey (Photo provided by Lorraine Dempsey)

Two years on, Lorraine said she has adopted a "never say no" policy.

"So if somebody asks, 'Do you want to go for lunch?' I'll never say no to them anymore," she said.

Lorainne said she had to approach decision-making in an entirely new way – as she and her husband had always discussed any life decision together.

"That for me has led to a bit of decision paralysis," she said. "It's getting better but the first year I just felt I couldn't make big decisions because I didn't want to take on that [sole] parental responsibility."

Lorraine Dempsey and her daughters on Sunday in front of Maumturk Mountain (Photo by Lorraine Dempsey)

While Carl's family and friends have provided support and a shoulder to cry on, Lorraine said the Facebook group, 'Widows in Ireland' has been one of the best resources for her grief.

"It's a safe space, and for me, that's where there's a whole community of people who just get it," she said.

"It doesn't matter what you say, where you're at, what time of the day or night it is, there's people there all the time, who just know what you're going through."

The group has been there to help navigate her grief and challenges – such as when she feels "lost" without her "co-pilot" or when she struggles to identify as a widow.

"The Widowed in Ireland group – that's the place where I've found my guidance," she said.

"That's really where I could be myself in true widowhood."

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